Girl code is a set of unspoken but sacred rules that help set the foundation for how women’s friendships should be. With every friendship, there are basic guidelines to follow. Here are the top 10:

Number 1: Don’t go after your friend’s ex or crush

When your friend tells you about her new crush, you should not then choose them as your new crush. If your friend and a guy had a situation, the seriousness of it determines how long you have to wait before talking to the same guy.

Number 2: Keep secrets secret

When confiding in a close friend, things are inevitably shared that do not need to be shared with the whole world. While sometimes info needs to be shared to prevent people from getting hurt, not the whole truth needs to be put out there. Some things are meant to stay secret.

“I think that some things you say to your closest friends should be kept in the safety of the friendship,” said junior Mya Schattin. “This applies to all aspects of the conversation.”

Number 3: Be honest, even if it hurts

When your best friend asks your advice, you should give the honest truth, even if it is not what they are looking to hear. Friends are there to keep you going, and sometimes the truth is the only way to get there. The truth should come from a place of love, and it all comes down to the delivery and intent.

Number 4: Not everything is a competition

We live in a world of competition; that should not exist in your friendships. You should be your friend’s number one supporter, and competition should not be part of that. The honest truth is that some people are better at some things than others, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be a competition.

Hazel Jacobs, a junior, thinks “my happiness is never supposed to interfere with my friend’s happiness. If your personal win upsets your friend, get a new one. Happiness shouldn’t be comparable.”

Number 5: Post photos only if both of you look good

There is a rush of dopamine that goes through your body when you hit “post” on Instagram, which is nice, but it should not happen if you aren’t posting a photo that everyone looks good in. In a big group photo, sure, one person is doomed to look bad, but in a small group or with a friend, only post if you all look good, no matter how good you, personally, may look.

Number 6: Be able to be serious and laugh

Friends should be able to have a laugh and a deep conversation in the same setting. Being able to have the balance keeps the friendship going; without this balance, a disconnect can form.

“I feel like one of the best parts of being in a friendship is being able to laugh and just have fun, but I also feel like it can’t just be laughs all the time,” Sadie Crampton, a junior boarder, said. “When I need advice or a lending hand, I want my friends to be serious.”

Number 7: Provide unconditional support even if you don’t agree

You are supposed to keep each other going and support your friends’ moves. Sometimes you need to vent; it is always allowed. A mandatory part of venting is the reassurance that your feelings are valid. The only time unconditional support does not exist is if it breaks another girl code.

Number 8: Share the spotlight

When you are with your friend, the spotlight should be shared, and one of you should outshine the other. You are there to be each other’s supporter. Putting your friend down to make yourself look better in front of a group of guys will never be okay.

Violet Carroll thinks that “it is important that you and your friend do not take opportunities away from each other. You are there to cheer each other on and not to outdo each other. You need to celebrate the wins equally, but also support each other in downfalls as well.”

Number 9: Not everything is a personal attack

You should be able to make a jab at a friend and for it not to be a personal attack. While every once and a while the jab might go too far it is never the end of the friendship.

Number 10: Breaking girl code isn’t the end of a friendship, but the lack of an apology is

While breaking one of these rules is doomed to occur in the course of a friendship, it does not mean that the friendship is over. However, not being able to recognize the break in code, and not apologizing, means it is.

Junior Gabi Bobiak feels that “every relationship I’ve had with another girl has been based on a sense of mutual trust and respect for each other. The understanding that girl code is so important really has made my friendships grow so much deeper,” she said.