The oldest continuously published high school newspaper in America

The Willistonian, Est. 1881

The oldest continuously published high school newspaper in America

The Willistonian, Est. 1881

The oldest continuously published high school newspaper in America

The Willistonian, Est. 1881

Taming the Green-Eyed Monster

Taming the Green-Eyed Monster
Janine Norton 2008

You’re sitting with your girlfriend in a Northampton restaurant on a Saturday evening, feeling happy to be with one of the hottest students in the entire school.  Everything is going great until her ex-boyfriend stops by your table to say hello and starts up an animated conversation in which your girlfriend’s face lights up in a way you’ve never quite seen before.  They continue to exchange friendly words while you sit idly by, becoming increasingly upset and entertaining the thought of using your knife to do something other than cutting your steak.  Welcome to the emotionally painful world of jealousy.
Unlike envy, in which there is a wish to get what you don’t have, jealousy has to do with a desire to keep what you do have.  It generally involves three parties: the subject, the rival, and the beloved.  The jealous individual has a fear of losing an important person to another.  He or she feels suspicious and angry—sometimes to an extreme degree—about the loved one’s real or perceived attention to somebody else.  Other common feelings associated with being jealous include sadness, disgust, resentment and loneliness.
Sometimes people try to make others jealous to see how much they really care.  I know of a girl who would test her boyfriend’s devotion to her by flirting with others at parties, not answering his phone calls or text messages, and telling him about her attraction to other boys.
A jealous person may try to hold onto their loved one by becoming possessive and controlling.  This can create a self-fulfilling prophesy by pushing away the very person one desires or needs the most.  Author Hara Estroff Marana writes, “Jealousy has been deemed the guardian of love, but more often it is love’s downfall.”  It can also lead to some strange and destructive behavior.  Several years ago, for example, a NASA astronaut named Lisa Nowak drove a thousand miles nonstop from Texas to Florida (in a diaper, so she wouldn’t have to stop), where she tried to kidnap the new girlfriend of a fellow astronaut with whom she had had an affair.
There is some evidence that females experience more jealousy than males, in part because they have higher standards of loyalty, kindness, empathy, and commitment, and become jealous when these standards aren’t met.  Also, while men tend to be more jealous about sexual infidelity, women are more disturbed by emotional betrayal.

If jealous feelings are taking over your life, there are several things you can do to contain them . . .

1) Nurture your important relationships instead of taking them for granted;

2) If you feel suspicious, worried, possessive, threatened, or unsure in your relationship, examine the validity of your assumptions.  What’s the evidence?  Is there another way of looking at the situation?  Are you jumping to conclusions based on your own insecurities? What would you say to a friend who was feeling the same way in one of their important relationships?

3) If you decide to discuss your concerns with your boyfriend or girlfriend, be as specific as possible about the behavior that is upsetting to you and explain how it makes you feel.   Speak calmly and try to avoid blaming him or her;

Remember, getting control of your jealousy does not mean getting control of the person you fear losing.  It means getting a handle on your own emotions and treating yourself with respect.  If you can do that, you won’t have to think twice about what to do with the steak knife.

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Taming the Green-Eyed Monster